She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
