i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
