PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
