I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
