I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
