dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
