She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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