i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
