Cold hands, warm shart.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
