whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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