I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
