I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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