Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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