That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
