I am puke
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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