My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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