omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
