I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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