Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
