I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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