just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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