Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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