i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This baby is an asshole
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
