I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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