My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
