Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
