she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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