Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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