My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
