Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
