just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
