Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
