the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
