My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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