Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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