oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
