If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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