I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
