I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
