He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
