The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Two words: blizzard sex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesnโt post a pic of himself to tinder
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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