I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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