Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
