eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
