That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
