I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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