hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
