I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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