Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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