Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
